Reconnecting With Myself
Can't talk long. I have lots to do today...
Just wanted to make a confession. I almost deleted my meltdown post (the one titled "I'm Not Crazy") because I began to fear that if people read it, they might actually conclude that I am indeed crazy! And then I realized that if I did that, I wouldn't be real to myself or my readers; that I'd be guilty of sweeping a mental health issue under the rug and pretending it didn't exist--the very thing I've always said the entire African-American is so often guilty of.
So I'm leaving the post there.
What I can report is that I did seek the help I needed. From my personal physician, who recommended a counselor/therapist (who I've been seeing for weeks now) and an anti-depressant (I'm on a high dosage of Paxil). The combination of treatments has been more than a little helpful, I'm here to tell you. I feel so much better, words can't explain.
Also helpful was a trip to my hometown in Connecticut. Haven't been home in five years. Went for a week last month and ended up staying three and a half weeks (just got back). I met my old self there, went to the library where my obsessive love for books and writing began (and where I spent literally thousands of hours as a child/teen), and reconnected with the people who have always always loved me and all my ways...no matter what.
Oh, and the fact that the last time they saw me I was 65 pounds heavier made hearing "oh my god, girl you look so good!" over and over and over again that much sweeter. Ha!
Just wanted to make a confession. I almost deleted my meltdown post (the one titled "I'm Not Crazy") because I began to fear that if people read it, they might actually conclude that I am indeed crazy! And then I realized that if I did that, I wouldn't be real to myself or my readers; that I'd be guilty of sweeping a mental health issue under the rug and pretending it didn't exist--the very thing I've always said the entire African-American is so often guilty of.
So I'm leaving the post there.
What I can report is that I did seek the help I needed. From my personal physician, who recommended a counselor/therapist (who I've been seeing for weeks now) and an anti-depressant (I'm on a high dosage of Paxil). The combination of treatments has been more than a little helpful, I'm here to tell you. I feel so much better, words can't explain.
Also helpful was a trip to my hometown in Connecticut. Haven't been home in five years. Went for a week last month and ended up staying three and a half weeks (just got back). I met my old self there, went to the library where my obsessive love for books and writing began (and where I spent literally thousands of hours as a child/teen), and reconnected with the people who have always always loved me and all my ways...no matter what.
Oh, and the fact that the last time they saw me I was 65 pounds heavier made hearing "oh my god, girl you look so good!" over and over and over again that much sweeter. Ha!
posted by Kamichi Jackson | 12:04 PM
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