I'm Not Crazy...
...but I am suffering from Depression. It's the reason I haven't kept up with this blog. It's the reason my literary aspirations have been sidelined. And it's the reason my weight loss has stalled.
I have fallen into the deepest depression I've ever known, and I'm tired. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling physically ill, I'm tired of hiding it from others, I'm tired of trying to pretend it's not happening.
I'm so very, very tired.
When I go to bed at night, I actually pray that I don't wake up the next morning. When I do get up in the morning, I cry because I survived the night. And then I pray again to ask forgiveness for not appreciating this precious gift of Life that has been given to me. My thought process is jumbled and confused, I feel as if I'm in a fog, I'm not functioning well, I go from one emotion to the next and back again within minutes, my sleep pattern is all over the charts, I'm not able to work a 9 to 5 job, and my relationships and finances are suffering for it.
It's like this every single day and it's literally wearing my mind and body out.
It's gotten so bad that I recently decided to seek professional help. I can no longer do this on my own. I can no longer hide my anguish/pain, and I can no longer burden my family with my ever-changing moods. Self-help is fine for some people, but this writer has finally come to accept that additional assistance is required.
It's both embarrassing and humbling to admit this because of the stigma attached to mental health, especially in the black community. But I promised that this blog would be about my personal health and wellness journey, and that journey has taken a sharp left turn down this particular path, so I must follow it until it meets back up with the main road, so to speak. If my honesty about my own mental health helps even one reader with theirs, then putting myself out here like this will be worth it.
I will write as often as I can. I promise that I will try my hardest to push through the Depression as much as possible to report my progress along the way. At times, I may share some of the mental exercises my therapist gives me. In other posts, I may talk about what it feels like to be dependent upon my doctor-prescribed medication. Other times, I may include links to current news about black mental health. And every now and then, I may just post a good old-fashioned vent.
Stay with me on this journey. Tell others to come along. Talk to me, ask me questions. I will do my best to be as open about it as possible. The more we dialog about this problem in our community, the less the stigma of it.
I have fallen into the deepest depression I've ever known, and I'm tired. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling physically ill, I'm tired of hiding it from others, I'm tired of trying to pretend it's not happening.
I'm so very, very tired.
When I go to bed at night, I actually pray that I don't wake up the next morning. When I do get up in the morning, I cry because I survived the night. And then I pray again to ask forgiveness for not appreciating this precious gift of Life that has been given to me. My thought process is jumbled and confused, I feel as if I'm in a fog, I'm not functioning well, I go from one emotion to the next and back again within minutes, my sleep pattern is all over the charts, I'm not able to work a 9 to 5 job, and my relationships and finances are suffering for it.
It's like this every single day and it's literally wearing my mind and body out.
It's gotten so bad that I recently decided to seek professional help. I can no longer do this on my own. I can no longer hide my anguish/pain, and I can no longer burden my family with my ever-changing moods. Self-help is fine for some people, but this writer has finally come to accept that additional assistance is required.
It's both embarrassing and humbling to admit this because of the stigma attached to mental health, especially in the black community. But I promised that this blog would be about my personal health and wellness journey, and that journey has taken a sharp left turn down this particular path, so I must follow it until it meets back up with the main road, so to speak. If my honesty about my own mental health helps even one reader with theirs, then putting myself out here like this will be worth it.
I will write as often as I can. I promise that I will try my hardest to push through the Depression as much as possible to report my progress along the way. At times, I may share some of the mental exercises my therapist gives me. In other posts, I may talk about what it feels like to be dependent upon my doctor-prescribed medication. Other times, I may include links to current news about black mental health. And every now and then, I may just post a good old-fashioned vent.
Stay with me on this journey. Tell others to come along. Talk to me, ask me questions. I will do my best to be as open about it as possible. The more we dialog about this problem in our community, the less the stigma of it.
posted by Kamichi Jackson | 7:07 PM
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