The Matter of Mental Health

It's been some time since I felt well enough to put pen to paper with a view to publishing again. But thanks to my decision to work more aggressively on my health issues, I am now able to do just that. Only I didn't begin work on The Brownstone, the novel I've been promising to complete for nearly three years now. Instead, I sat down and began scribbling a story that's been hanging around inside me for almost two decades (maybe even longer), and it's been the most cathartic experience! The words spilled out of me faster than I could even write them, so I had to resort to typing this particular work (I prefer to write manuscripts out by longhand). I happen to think that, for me, it is--and will always be--my most important work ever.

K My Name Is Kendra (Pen Poised Press, Fall 2007) is the story of a young woman whose life begins to spiral out of control when she finds herself facing what she only learns later is a severe bout of Depression. Alone and powerless against this sudden onset of mental turmoil, Kendra falls into a twisted relationship with a young uncle, the one person in her life who seems sympathetic to her plight.

So why am I posting about this book in my blog? Well, in an earlier post, I said I'd write here about all sorts of things related to health and wellness. And since I, along with so many other women of color, have suffered from severe bouts of Depression for as long as I can remember, the topic fits right in with the mission of this online journal, which is to shed light on health and wellness issues plaguing our communities. Mental health is one such issue, and it continues to be ignored, misunderstood, ridiculed and whispered about--to the point where people who lack it often don't seek the help they need to deal with it. At the very least, it can lead to their suffering needlessly or being victimized by people with less than honorable intentions (to put it nicely). Even more sadly, in extreme cases (which seem to be on the rise these days), it can lead to a person's death...sometimes one's own, and sometimes that of others.

In my dedication, I write: To all the girls for whom a story like this is not fiction. To reach those girls now might just save the life of a woman later.

Click here to read excerpts at my official website.

It's The Little Things That Keep You Going

Have you ever felt embarrassed about the items you place on the conveyer belt at the grocery store? Ever avoided making contact with the pimply-faced teenager with the oh-my-god-you're-like-so-gross look in their eyes as they ring up the Doritos, Twinkies, and Vanilla Bean ice cream that might just be for someone else in your household? Okay, so it's all for you, but I'm just sayin'...

Well, when you've changed your diet like some of us who are trying to eat healthier have, that's one less embarrassment you suffer as someone who is obviously struggling with their weight. Now you can stand tall as the fresh fruits, nuts, vegetables, yogurts, and whole-grain breads you're purchasing roll down the belt. And on some days (not that it matters...but sometimes doesn't it just?), you might even get the head-nod of approval!

Weigh-In: Monday, February 26, 2007

Just got back from Weight Watchers! My sister gave me the big pep talk (which I needed)before I left the house, reminding me that's it not all about numbers. That I'm changing my eating habits and getting healthier everyday, and that next week might look better if this week happened to not look so great. I worry, you see, because I have a lot riding on this. My health has to improve so that I can get off Disability and all these meds (I'm on SIX doctor-prescribed meds) and get back to living. And I worry, too, because I didn't have a perfect week. I had some weak moments towards the weekend...made a couple of shady food choices...you know what I mean...

So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the WW scale and weighed in at 6.5 pounds less than last week. That makes 10.5 pounds lost in two weeks' time (thanks to NutriSystem)! I would be content with two pounds a week, and I know that once these initial high loss numbers taper off I'll probably just about get those couple off each week, but in the meantime, I'll take this and won't complain a bit.

Tips & Tricks: Don't Call It A Diet

To be ON something implies that you'll eventually be OFF it, which is why I never refer to this new and improved way of eating as being on a diet. The very words make it all seem so transient...optional even. For me, that's almost always the kiss of death, because it immediately sets me up for failure before I even get started.

In reality, I'm changing my diet to a healthier one. The obvious benefit will be that I feel better. The added benefit will be that I will lose weight. If I want to continue benefiting myself, I'll need to maintain this healthier lifestyle for the rest of my life.

So don't sabotage yourself by using the kiss-of-death "D" word, and don't let other people force the word on you either (which they'll sometimes do in one breath while snickering in another breath that you won't stick to it). This is a change of life, our new eating habits, and we have to look at it like that if we want to truly be successful.

Essence Magazine Weight Loss Challenge

Just picked up the March 2007 issue of Essence magazine (with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover). About halfway or so through the mag, I came across their special Body & Soul guide featuring the Essence Fit & Fab Challenge, which promises that for the next six months, the magazine will be providing monthly exercise routines, healthy menus and motivational tips to readers to get them started--and keep them encouraged--on their journey. I look forward to ripping these sections out and keeping them at my fingertips for use over the course of my personal journey.

I was disappointed, however, that I was not able to join the challenge at the Essence.com website. Readers are invited on page 116 of the magazine to visit the site to sign up for the challenge and share their weight loss goals for the chance to be featured in a future issue of the magazine. I went to the site and was not able to find the link to lead me to that section of the site. Several other women there made the same complaint in their comments on the boards. Knowing and loving Essence magazine as I do, though, I believe the situation will be rectified soon and I look forward to that time.

Meanwhile, my sisters, do NOT become discouraged! Follow the articles that will appear in the magazine's upcoming issues and I'm sure we'll all reach our goals (or at least get started toward them). Seek out women in your neighborhood or at your places of worship and employment, and encourage each other to stay on track. You don't have to go it alone.

And don't forget: if everyone else fails you and you feel like you're in the struggle by yourself, you can always drop me an email at writekj@kamichijackson.com and we can uplift each other!

Tips & Tricks: Less Can Look Like More

A typical breakfast for me now that I'm on NutriSystem is one of their granola bars (there are four that I love), a half cup of cottage cheese on a slice of low-carb whole wheat bread, and a piece of fruit. I've started cutting up my fruit of choice into several small chunks or wedges. It's amazing how a medium-sized nectarine or a cup and a half of whole strawberries can suddenly take on the appearance of a fruity feast when served this way. Put the entire meal on a dessert-sized plate and you'll feel like you're overindulging!

Tips & Tricks: How to Fill Your Plate

I've been implementing a little trick over the past couple of weeks that has helped me begin to achieve mind over matter in relation to my weight loss challenge: when dining, lay your food out on a dessert plate, rather than a dinner plate. Something about covering every inch of a smaller plate with food gives you the feeling that you're eating a bigger portion!

Wear Clothes That FIT You!

I bought a new coat the other day and lost about fifty pounds. Let me explain.

I, like so many other people struggling with their weight, sometimes fall victim to the notion that wearing bigger clothes will somehow hide the many extra pounds I'm carrying. So for the past several winters, I've been breaking out this leather coat that was too big when I bought it, and only got bigger as I began to shed my first forty pounds. Deep down inside, I knew I looked ridiculous, but I reasoned that I didn't look nearly as ridiculous as I would if I wore a coat that actually fit my body more snugly.

I was wrong.

The day I bought this new coat, my ten-year-old niece exclaimed that I already looked like I had lost alot of weight already. All because of this coat! This magical coat that actually fit me. That actually de-emphasized my very round mid-section, and highlighted the fact that all my merengue and salsa dancing has paid off on my hips, which are so narrow I doubt I'll lose more weight there.

On the other hand, there are those women who are in denial about the weight they've put on, and they wear clothes so tight that every fault is emphasized and they are spilling out every which way. This extreme isn't any more attractive than wearing oversized clothes. Again, find clothes that fit you at your current size.

Bottom line, let's work what we've got right now, ladies!

What Are Your Triggers?

I got a phone call the other day that unsettled my spirit. My sleep was not at all sound that night. In fact, it took everything I had in me to not get up and make a late-night refrigerator raid to make myself feel better. In this case, stress was almost my trigger--you know, that one event that leads to a reaction or a series of reactions. Thankfully, I didn't react this time by turning to food as I usually do.

This is not the first time stress has been or has almost been the trigger that leads to me sitting up on the couch in front of the television eating bon-bons. For me, in fact, it's probably the biggest one. I stress over many things. My illnesses, certain family situations, the occasional relationship issue, disappointments related to my writing career (or lack thereof), et cetera. Not letting these get the best of me while I'm on my journey will indeed be challenging.

So what are your triggers? What things happen in your life that send you running to the refrigerator or pantry? Who are the people in your circle that drive you to eat just to settle your nerves? Determining--and most likely changing--these may just be the key to your being successful in your own journey.

NutriSystem: The Review From Here

It seems that every other commercial on television these days is about NutriSystem, probably because it's the beginning of the year and losing weight is usually at the top of everyone's To Do List for the year. My decision to try NutriSystem actually came last year, sometime during the Fall, once I learned they had a program specifically for Type II Diabetics.

To be honest, I purposely kept my expectations low. That way, in case the food tasted like chalk, I wouldn't be disappointed. To my surprise, most of the food tastes great! It's a shock getting used to the small portions, but in reality, this is the way we're supposed to eat. It takes some reconditioning of the mind to be content with that.

The meal plan requires that you add fruits, vegetables, dairy or protein and sometimes an additional low GI carb to your meal, so I'm not starving by any means. No, it's not as satisfying as some of my favorite soul foods or cuban dishes, but because I'm on a mission, I'm learning to adjust. If ever I feel the need to overindulge a little bit, I do so on fresh vegetables. Despite my size, I'm not one who likes to spend lots of time over a stove, but I confess that I'm having fun experimenting with recipes for vegetables, and I'm trying to be more adventerous with the types I eat. As for sweets, well, the plan has that covered. Most of the desserts taste pretty good. The chocolate crunch bar, however, can only be described as awesome. Not awesome as in awesome for "diet" chocolate. Just awesome...period.

My glowing review, of course, does not mean that this journey will be an easy one. Will there be days I don't feel like eating in this healthy manner? Sure. Will I miss the taste and sensation of an ice-cold twenty-ounce bottle of Coke as it slides down my throat and burns my nose? You better believe it. Will I sometimes feel like crashing my car into the Taco Bell drive-thru at 2AM in the morning? Yup. But I have this commitment to Tom Joyner. And J. Anthony Brown made some snide remark the day they read my letter on the air (I had to laugh...you gotta love him) so I have something to prove to him as well.

So...four pounds gone in my first week. Only ninety-six more to go! Wish me well...

Making Healthy Choices Everyday

I've discovered over the past few months of clicking around the internet that there is a wealth of health information available targeted at African American women, so much so that it can become overwhelming if you're trying to put it all together into a program that will work for your particular health situation the way I am. This is important, my sisters! We have to educate ourselves on the health issues facing the black community. We can no longer remain blissfully uninformed or disinterested because we don't think they affect us personally. The real of it is that it can cost us our lives if we don't.

Okay, so I recently found a new site that I'm extremely excited about: www.everydaychoices.org. Check out the Sisterhood Is Healthy section in particular. Lots of great information there beyond the usual blah blah blah statistics. I plan to use this info in my own life and I encourage you to do the same.

Take care of you!

Hello, My Sisters!

Greetings, all! Hoping this post finds you well!

As for me, for the first time in a very long time, I'm feeling like my life is beginning to get back on track. Long way to go, but I'm making steps in the right direction, thanks to Tom Joyner. The Tom Joyner, yes! Because of his generosity, I am now able to afford the Nutri-System Type II Diabetic Program and am on my way to losing a goal of at least one hundred pounds.

You see, I wrote a desperate letter to him, explaining my current financial situation (due to stacks of medical bills incurred since being diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, Hypertension and Type II Diabetes, all in 2005...bad year). Specifically, I asked that he cover the expense of three months of the Nutri-System Type II Diabetec Program (which I'd researched pretty extensively) for me while I get back on my feet financially. Long story short, he provided the funds for a total of eight months. I was floored by his generosity and am eternally grateful to him for his assistance.

And so now I have to deliver. Thankfully, I'm off to a good start and have lost four pounds in my first week on program. Love the food, love the feeling of being back in control, love the fact that I can walk taller because, though I have a lonnnnnng way to go, I can hold my head high because I am actually doing something about my weight rather than complaining about it. It will be a lengthy process, because I've chosen to lose weight the natural way, rather than with surgery (too terrified to go under the knife myself, but I do understand why some would choose that option). But I feel up to the task. I will do this.

So this blog is about the makeover journey I have ahead of me, but as you'll discover over the coming months, it's less about beauty and more about reconditioning my mind to completely change my attitudes and behaviors toward food. It’s about making my body healthy and strong; renewing my spirit to rebuild my self-esteem and inner strength. And it’s about gathering the courage to chase down opportunities and achievements that poor health and excess weight have scared me off from pursuing (my nemesis is performing live onstage). I believe there are tens of thousands of African American women out there just like me. And I'm hoping that, through this blog, I'll be able to meet many of you. Surely we can soak up each other's energy and inspire each other to travel the path to health and wellness...together!